You feel it's a part of you, you're one, it's your best friend, you believe it gives you control over everything; but, believe me, it is not like that. It's not your friend, it does not want the best for you, it only wants to destroy you, you think that thanks to it your life is under control, it gives you security, but none of that is real.
At first you think that you control it, you feel strong because you believe that you are doing what is best for you, but really you are only destroying and consuming yourself little by little, and slowly you begin to lose more control, although you think you have more and more power, that's not the case, it is controlling you, to the point that you depend exclusively on it and believe that you can't live without it. Because it will NEVER be enough, you will always want more and more to the point that you lose yourself.
You may now feel that without it you are nothing, that you have nothing better or even nothing to lose. It has come the point where you feel that your life is worth so little that you don't even care about losing it, but that's not the case, your life has many good things that you deserve to live, and I'm not talking about incredible things, unique experiences, but about the day itself which you're enough to continue living.
At first it may seem like you can't separate yourself from it, now you may only see good things, but in reality, none of that is true. It doesn't have good things, it's simply you're perception an illness, but there'll come a day when you realise that everything I promised you and what you felt was the best for you isn't, you'll realise it has only plunged you into a deep hole. But, with time and through your constant fight you'll be able to get out of that hole you're now in, even if you don't see it, there is light at the end of the tunnel. What awaits you is much better than what you are experiencing now, you may not see it now because you believe that you are a unique case without a solution, but there's one and with your effort you will get out of where you are because you can.
To get out of there you have to completely let go of control, at first it's hard, but little by little you will see how you start feeling better.
And remember, you don't need to be perfect for yourself, much less for people, you are enough just the way you are, just highlight what you like and learn to live with what you don't.
When you feel like you have no strength left, remind yourself why you started fighting and be proud of every little step you take, even if you think it is useless.
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